Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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