one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
