saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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