man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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