Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So gin and wine won't be happening again
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
