can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
