Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
