K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize