4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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