fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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