There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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