i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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