If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When did we convert life to cartoon?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
