Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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