I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
