found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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