I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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