I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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