You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
