Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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