I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
