You're earring is so big in my mouth
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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