We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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