I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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