it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
