I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
