well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
