Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize