why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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