Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
