Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
