Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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