We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
