Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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