do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
