I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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