I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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