Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
