so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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