i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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