he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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