Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
