Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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