I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
