Having a random hookup so left but love u
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
