We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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