Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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