I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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