I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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