Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
