I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have aggressive nipples.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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