im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
