this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
