drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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