i think my tv is drunk
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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