I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
