i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize