Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize