I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
