i just wanna soil my oats bro
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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