i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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