I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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