dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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