Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
