she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
