it was like his penis was on wheels.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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