He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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