2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
