I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
