Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
