Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
