is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
