well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
