i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
