Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
