You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
