She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Pooping to opera.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
